Who is teaching who?

In California they are now using G.P.S. to track truants*. Specifically these are students who have at least 4 unexcused absences. Well how about the teachers in Wisconsin who will have been out 4 days come this Mon?  They call in sick, get paid, and then appear on the local news complaining about the governor. So this is the state of the public education system. They teach students to lie by calling in sick when they're not, submit doctor's notes to substantiate they're ill without ever being examined**, and commit fraud by being payed sick leave when they are not sick. Seems like the teachers should be wearing the G.P.S. bracelets not the students. I remember when I was growing up it was the students who played hooky, did the protesting, and broke the law. Who says you can't learn anything in a public school?

  *http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2011/02/18/gps-to-track-truant-students-in-anaheim/
**http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-02-20/excuse-notes-from-docs-at-protests-draw-scrutiny.html

Public Assisn't

Public assistance cards are similar to A.T.M. cards and can used for food, but you can also use them at casino's, racetracks and liquor stores. That is until recently when this practice became illegal. Can you imagine the audacity of the government telling the people where they can spend their hard wormed cash? They are even considering passing a bill to prevent the cards from being used at strip clubs. I was wondering do the dancers walk around with cards sticking out of their panties instead of dollar bills, or do you slide the card in the slot between their legs? You can just imagine where the change comes out. No wonder money has so many germs.

http://denver.cbslocal.com/2011/02/14/colorado-bill-bans-welfare-cards-at-strip-clubs/

Brand new booty

The ass of a typical English woman is kind of like the earth pre-Columbus, flatter than a pancake. So many are taking a pill called Brand New Booty, a hormonal cocktail considered dangerous for humans. It's purpose was specifically designed to fatten up chickens, and make them more productive. The bad news is that some users have gotten cancer, and yet woman still keep taking them. When asked why one lady said "we need the eggs".

http://dailycaller.com/2011/02/14/many-british-women-so-desperate-for-bigger-bum-they-take-chicken-fattening-pills-the-sun-news/

Coming up short

Tiger has been having problems with his stroke lately and has been coming up short. It is not unusual for men his age to get teed off when they are close to the hole and can't finish it off. This is why the P.G.A. established the handicap, a way of giving you help when you have trouble scoring. His caddy recommended hanging a panty instead of a number on the flag hole, but Tiger just can't stop hooking.

Yep there's an app for that

New York has some of the safest water, safest food, and now the safest sex. Thanks to a new app your smartphone will tell you the nearest location to obtain free condoms*. I always figured if you could afford a phone with the accompanying internet, texting, and calling charges you could afford a condom. I'm waiting till they'll have an app to tell you where to get free sex, only then it will be worth the monthly fee. Already the Microsoft Windows 7 phone is developing software for that purpose. The only problem is it's plagued with viruses, just like the free sex.

*http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/apple/8324741/Condom-app-unveiled-in-New-York.html

Walmarts Capital offense

At a Washington D.C. anti-Walmart rally Commissioner Brenda Speaks said "young people would get criminal records when they couldn't resist the temptation to steal"*. The retail giant has been accused of many things like sending jobs overseas, flooding the market with unsafe Chinese goods, and bankrupting local mom and pop businesses. Now they are responsible for turning decent Americans into criminals. Maybe Soviet style Communism is the answer. When everyone owns nothing no one can can steal anything. Except the politicians of course.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/09/AR2011020906783.html

Clapping for boobs

Some of you may remember the clapper commercials. Clap once and the light turns on, clap twice and the light turns off. Well now some Einstein invented a bra prototype that comes off when you clap twice. After all those embarrassing moments fumbling with that stupid clasp it's no wonder men hate bras. It's the wardrobe equivalent of the Rubik's cube! Can you imagine going to a Broadway show and at the finale everyone applauds and hundreds of bras come flying off. There will be standing ovations even if the performance sucks.
http://dannynasco.blogspot.com/
The Clap-Off Bra from Randy Sarafan on Vimeo.