The bravest man in the world?

Every year Serbia holds a testicle festival, and Michael Jackson received a posthumous award since no one held their balls more often than he did. Just kidding, this festival is about cooking testicles. Camel, boar, ostrich, kangaroo and of course the reigning testosterone king, bulls balls. They make goulash out of them (ghoulish?) and even pizza although I think it will be a long time before any one eats Papa John's testicle pizza. Those older testicles can sure be tough. Surprisingly President Obama received an award since "He is the bravest man in the world" and "He showed he has balls" according to the organizer Ljubomir Erovic. If Obama had any balls his terrorist bombing friend Bill Ayers probably blew them off, either that or his constant curtsying to world leaders has shrunk them. For your entertainment a picture of the bravest man in the world.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38904723/ns/world_news-europe/

Obsession meets reality

Hoarders are known for collecting things, but have you ever seen them hoard gold, china, fine art, or antiques? To me they seem like people who continually forget to take out the trash, and after a couple of years they become part of the trash themselves. To prove my point Billie Jean James of Las Vegas was missing for four months. Police searched the home several times using cadaver dogs who are specially trained to smell decomposing bodies. Eventually her husband Bill found Billie Jean's feet sticking out from under a pile of junk that reached from the floor to the ceiling. The garbage had become her tomb, a rotten microwave dinner box her headstone. When obsession meets reality there is a disaster in the making, or at the very least an exploitative new cable television show.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hk3EHn9n_UVFd2eEMcvmTEJVgNuAD9HS12QO0

Obama bumper stickers

I hate bumper stickers. They are harder to remove than a tick on your dog or an incumbent in Congress. It is also a reminder that what you supported yesterday doesn't seem so smart a week later. Kind of like getting a tattoo of your girlfriend's name then breaking up the following day. There are some people who are totally consistent in their ideology, standing firm on their commitments regardless of the outcome. I've witnessed this by noticing some individuals still display Obama bummer stinkers, oops I meant Obama bumper stickers. These stickers are like our president, almost impossible to remove till at least 2012.

Bridge builders

Imam Faisal Rauf of the Ground Zero Mosque was promoted as a "Bridge Builder" by Bush, Obama, and the mainstream media. Apparently they forgot about Muzzamil Hasan the original bridge builder of Buffalo N.Y. This moderate Muslim created "Bridges T.V." with the purpose of correcting the misconceptions of Americans toward Islam. As I stated in a previous blog his wife Aasiya decided to divorce him. As a true moderate he reacted responsibly by beheading her. That's one bridge I wouldn't dare to cross.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35016371/

Doctor John

Your yearly medical checkup is about to become much easier, and you won't even need to see a doctor. All you have to do is go to the bathroom. The Japanese have developed a toilet that analyzes your urine, blood pressure, temperature, and weight all while heeding natures call. Mechanical doctors can help minimize the embarrassment of certain tests, specifically prostate for men and gynecological for women. The downside is will we allow machines to handle and enter those parts of our body we hold most dearly. Without the ability to feel pain a machine is unable to sympathize with our discomfort, even worse it might breakdown. I guess it will be more embarrassing being wheeled into the emergency room with Doctor John's mechanical arm stuck in your ...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100825/wl_asia_afp/lifestylejapanhealthtechnologytoilets

Another poke in the eye.

How do you know if a wasp is angry? You don't know it, you feel it. On the other hand if you are a scientist you can tell a wasp is angry simply by looking at their face. Black spots indicate aggression, although getting close enough to see their face probably means you'll be screaming and covering your eye like it was poked with a hot iron. I figured since only the female stings why haven't the scientists considered looking between their legs? Another useless bit of information brought to you by government sponsored stimulus.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1304578/How-spot-angry-wasp-Scientists-recommend-looking-face.html

Turn on the freaking light

What do you think wives complain about most concerning their husbands bad habits? Drinking too much alcohol, having too many affairs, or taking too many drugs? Well their biggest complaint is men forgetting to put the toilet seat down at 54%, leaving wet towels on the bed 23% and dirty laundry on the floor 15%. How the hell are half the marriages ending in divorce if those are their biggest complaints? Maybe they should have married a butler instead. No one but bubble headed bimbos from slasher movies go into a room without first turning on the light. So why would an intelligent woman go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and do the same ? I don't pee in the dark and they shouldn't either. The company that sponsored this survey makes the Lav-Nav, a device that attaches to the lid and glows green when the seat is down and red when it is up. I got a better idea "TURN ON THE FREAKING LIGHT"! It will not only save you from a cold,wet, slap on the cheeks, it just may save your marriage.