Leave my plate alone!

First we were told what to eat, and now we are told how they are to be arranged on our plate. I've got just one question, where's the section for SPAM?

Circumfurter

How about some condoments?

A Brooklyn sausage joint has been selling custom hot dogs named "Anthony's Weiners".  President Obama decided to download one as a show of support for his fellow Democrat. When questioned by reporters he claimed it was firm, juicy, and that the twitter picture didn't do it justice. Michelle Obama was very angry about the incident since she recently launched a new dietary guide for healthy eating. The President claimed it was okay since the Congressman is Jewish, and the weiner was healthy because it's Kosher. 
http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/06/04/2011-06-04_eat_up_brooklyn_sausage_joint_der_kommisser_serves_anthonys_weiners_skewers_rep_.html#ixzz1ORmgUrqN
*Fine print: This story is the product of a warped individual and is fictitious.

Recipe for peace

In a world of terrorists, and tyrants what can a nation do to preserve peace? How about making cupcakes. British intelligence inserted a software code into Al Qaeda's English language magazine web site that redirected Jihadi's to a different web page. So instead of reading an article about bomb making they were given baking recipes. Smuggling homemade cup cakes onto planes and sharing them with passengers is certainly a recipe for peace, unless they were hidden in your underwear.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/03/british-spies-terrorist-bomb-cupcake-recipe_n_870882.html

Load of the ring

Rings have many purposes, but mostly are used to contain or control. For example boxing rings, napkin rings, those nasty rings in bulls noses, and of course the ultimate control freak the wedding ring. Considering the high number of divorces that may be one ring whose load is too burdensome to carry.

Weiner roast

Anthony Weiner, one of the biggest dicks in politics is embroiled in controversy over an obscene tweet he supposedly sent on twitter. This obnoxiously liberal loud mouth he has suddenly gone limper than a gelding now that the media is exposing him for the flaccid wimp he really is. Hopefully this putz will be thrown under the bus, or at the very least least driven out of N.Y. in a weinermobile.

Starbucking

Starbucks received an "A" rating from the N.Y. Health Dept, but when an investigator swabbed the counter he found yeast possibly vaginal in nature. He also found fecal matter so it's possible a little hanky panky took place where you enjoy your daily latte, and corn muffin. Maybe an employee was bucking for a raise, and that counter was where she made her proposal. After a little back and forth negotiations the boss closed the deal and forgot to clean up. He'll probably lose his license, but that yeast infection will make him more bitter than a double espresso.
http://hotair.com/greenroom/archives/2011/05/30/nyc-starbucks-that-received-a-grades-from-nyc-health-dept-found-teeming-with-fecal-organisms/

Wassup ur butt?

There was a billboard with the question "What's up your butt" on it. I figured it was sponsored by one of those gay organizations or possibly a Preparation H advertisement. I recently found out it was for colon cancer awareness. Many people thought it was in bad taste and it was taken down. Now the T.S.A. has adopted it as their motto when you enter a secure area. Unfortunately their idea of screening is even worse than a colonoscopy since they don't give you an anesthetic.
http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2011/05/whats-up-your-butt-billboards-scrapped.html