Beware of Greeks bearing gifts

It is hard to imagine how the culture that brought us mathematics could not balance it's own checkbook. The result is that after years of profligate spending the Greeks have found themselves in a hole. No not that one, I was not referring to the sex act named after them. Perhaps that is why they use so much olive oil. Anyway I remember reading that once towering intellects like Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato were common amongst their people, but now their citizens are moronic, maniacal, anarchists who burn banks and riot in the streets. The Trojan horse led to a famous expression "beware of Greeks bearing gifts". Thanks to the bailout by the European Union, and International Monetary Fund that saying has changed to "gift bearing nations get Greeked".

Outmate

A prisoner is suing the jail for 50 million dollars for calling him an inmate. He is upset because it implies he is mating with other prisoners. Mating is defined as pairing of the opposite sex so I don't understand what his beef is. If he doesn't like the opposite sex he should drop the soap a little more often.

*http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010786/Convicted-killer-sues-jail-50-million-suit--calling-inmate.html

Tramp Champ



"Get thee to a nunnery"***.

Lisa Sparxxx is the worlds recordholder for having sex with 919 men in one day*. It brought to mind what Willy Shakes once said. "Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust into them"**.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Sparxxx
**Paraphrased from Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare (Act II Scene 5).
***Hamlet (Act III. Scene 1)

Happy Dependence Day

I'd like to wish you all a happy Independence Day, but with all the government handouts it's more like Perpetual Dependence. As your watching the fireworks this evening consider that during the Revolutionary War when a soldier heard a bang and saw a flash he was likely having a ball of lead tear through his flesh. His health care was an untrained medic cutting off his limb with a rusty saw, his food stamps were some scraps he carried in a bag, his subsidized housing was a woolen blanket, and if he returned to civilian life and was unemployed the only thing he got was no job. He may have not had much, but he had faith, integrity, and love of his country. That's what makes America great, not Hopenchange. That sounds like a hashish shop in Denmark.

Hey buddy you got a light?

Olajide Olawaseun Noibi

A man with a University of Michigan identification card was allowed to board a flight at JFK airport*. Since when is that considered proper ID? Maybe next time I fly I'll try using my Costco membership card and see what happens. In addition he had an expired boarding pass, but at least his Al Quada health plan card was still valid. Coincidentally this man is from Nigeria, and so was Farouk Abdul Mutallab the underwear bomber. He was the guy that should have had his boxers removed instead of forcing a 95 year old wheelchair bound woman with Leukemia to remove her diaper**. These TSA agent must be idiots.  Even I get suspicious when somebody pulls down their pants, and says "hey buddy you got a light"?

*http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009932/TSA-let-Nigerian-man-fly-New-York-LA-old-boarding-pass.html
**http://www.infowars.com/tsa-defends-forcing-elederly-leukemia-patient-to-remove-diaper/

Sorry Dick

MSNBC suspended Mark Halperin for calling President Obama a dick*. He clearly was wrong. A dick supports reproduction, the President supports abortion. A dick supports hand jobs, while the President supports hand outs. With a dick the stimulus succeeds, with the President the stimulus fails. A dick shoots sperm (useful), the President shoots crap (useless). In my opinion Halperin should apologize to dicks everwhere.

*http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2011/06/msnbc-suspends-halperin-for-calling.html

Livestock Made Global Warming

We've all heard about A.G.W. (man made global warming), but did you know about L.M.G.W. (livestock made global warming)? I am told the farts and belching of livestock is a large contributor to greenhouse gasses (no pun intended). The government in it's infinite wisdom tried to tax the emissions of these bovine gas bags*. Unfortunately no one was brave enough to install the monitoring devices. Well how about senior citizens? Older people seem to pass more gas because their digestive systems slow down as they age. How about charging them a tax for their contribution to global warming? What would the tax be called? How about the Federal Asset Recovery Tax, known as F.A.R.T. The E.P.A. would set limits and charges similar to taxing carbon emissions. The question is how would it be measured? Several proposals have surfaced. A specialized gas gauge was developed, except you would be charged for emptying your tank not filling it. What about a meter like they have in cabs? You would pay 2.50 for the first fart, and .25 each additional fart (no charge for waiting time between farts). How about a system like EZ pass called EZ gas. An electronic device would register every fart and electronically deduct the money from your account. Yes I am being facetious, but with a 14 trillion dollar deficit and growing this congress will be forced to tax us to death or until they have sucked all the air out of us. Already they are considering the V.A.T. (Value Added Tax). Who knows the F.A.R.T. may not be far behind (pun intended).

*http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28070487/ns/us_news-environment/t/tax-cows-hogs-passing-gas-burping/