"The land of the free, and the home of the brave".

Those peaceful Swiss who live in the Alps and make that wonderful chocolate are turning out to be one hateful group of anti-immigrant yodelers. They are so xenophobic they actually voted to deport foreigners who are convicted of rape and trafficking in drugs or humans. The nerve! Well their criminals can always come to  America, a veritable oasis for murderers, rapists, drug dealers, terrorists, and all manner of psycho's. "The land of the free" is a reference to all the free social programs available to those who would do us harm. "The home of the brave" refers to the fact that in spite of rampant crime we still leave the safety of our home knowing we may not return.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2010/11/first-muslims-and-minarets-now.html#links

Silence is golden

President Obama was assaulted during a basketball game, and received twelve stitches. Apparently a player mistook his giant lips for the rim and attempted a dunk causing the great orator to require oral surgery. The secret service read the perpetrator his rights, but for the first time in 2 years Obama will have to remain silent. Previously a teleprompter attempted the same thing, but was foiled. Silence is golden.

Your spying eyes

In an effort to thwart the spying of genitalia by T.S.A. agents someone has invented underwear that blocks imaging of your private parts. It uses tungsten and other metals that do not set off metal detectors, and looks rather fashionable at the same time. Sales of the underwear have been sluggish, but recently a large order was received from Yemen. Some owners are worried that what can't be seen may have to be handled. Judging by the way they treat your luggage your "junk" will surely be bruised as badly as your ego.

http://dailycaller.com/2010/11/21/underwear-invention-protects-privacy-at-airport/

The real deal?

How can you know when you are getting the real deal? You won't get one from the the guy who sells new d.v.d.'s on the street for five bucks, or from an online date who claims she doesn't know how to post her picture to her e-harmony account. Even the actresses on the show "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" have admitted they are filled with botox, breast implants, and nose jobs. How real is that? Everyone knows botox is onabotulinumtoxinA a poison, and death would certainly better than waking up next to the botox infested gal in the picture. That's probably where they got that expression "if looks could kill".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1327162/Real-Housewives-Beverly-Hills-reveal-plastic-surgery-secrets.html

Death by nailclipper

Soldiers returning from Afghanistan landed in Indianapolis recently and were subjected to the same ridiculous T.S.A. routines I encountered in Chicago. There was one small difference. They were carrying M4 carbine rifles, and M9 pistols, but no ammo. Apparently we don't trust our own soldiers from hijacking a plane and crashing into a building. One soldier was stopped, detained, and his nail clipper confiscated. There was concern that if the pilot had a hangnail, and the soldier grabbed it with his clipper he could force him to crash land. Dangerous weapons will be confiscated, the guns are okay.

http://www.redstate.com/erick/2010/11/18/another-tsa-outrage/

The ties are a changing

If a Muslim wore a tie in Iran in 1979 there was the possibility of being beheaded since ties were considered to be symbolic of the decadent west. It seems this particular tie meets with religous approval, probably because it's in the shape of a sword! One option is the metallic insert that transforms the tie into a fashionable method of beheading infidels. Looks like the Columbian necktie* has finally met it's match. Another option is a clear coating that protects it from stains like blood. Why would you want to throw away a perfectly good tie after just one use? Like Bob Dylan said the ties are a changing**.

* A Columbian necktie is a method of execution where the victims throat is slashed and the tongue is pulled through the open wound.
** He actually said "The times are a changing".

Times up.

When I was a young boy my neighbor died a young man. His wife said "poor Red his time was up and the lord took him". I immediately became concerned that life hinged on an abstract idea called time. One day a teenager from the neighborhood was robbing a bank and the police had him surrounded. An officer yelled your time is up, come out with your hands in the air. Mickey ran out waving a pistol, and a hail of bullets later he was dead. My parents took me to his funeral and the priest said "Young Mickey Rivers, died before his time". I thought you must be kidding me. What better time to die then when someone is emptying their gun into you. I then realized it wasn't time that kills us as much as it is about what we are doing in a particular moment of time. Maybe it's not that your time is up, as much as it is your time is up to you.