Beating a dead horse

Horses were being transported by an El Al cargo plane and arrived at Kennedy airport on Friday*. One of the them, a high value show horse was dead on arrival. There was concern since the flight originated from the Middle East as to whether he might have had explosives surgically implanted. The geniuses at the T.S.A. figured there was one way to find out.

Hold your ears fellas.

Update: A necropsy (post-mortem exam on non-human) is being performed by the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture. They must be a bunch of jackasses because they thought it was a drug mule.

*http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2015207/Airport-officials-left-puzzled-carcass-dead-horse-worth-90-000-plane.html

Bee Jerky

A Queens N.Y. resident was given a $2,000. fine for failing to water his bees*. Is this some kind of crazy animal cruelty law I don't know about, and how did the inspector know the bees didn't have enough water? Maybe they were so dehydrated they turned into Bee Jerky.

*http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/07/14/un-bee-lievable-nyc-fines-man-2000-for-not-watering-his-hive/

Using your noodle

Niko Alm requested his drivers photo be taken with him wearing a macaroni strainer on his head because he is a Pastafarian. Austria allows the wearing of religious headgear for ID photos, and as a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster he meets the qualifications. He was originally attracted to the church because Pastor Ron Zoni really knows how to serve his congregation, and they offer ravioli instead of wafers for the Communion.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14135523

The bird brain of Alcatraz

A prison doctor in California earned over $777,000. last year*. The problem is he is mentally ill, was once fired for incompetence, and hasn't been allowed to treat a patient for 6 years because he might kill them. Have they ever considered he might actually be an inmate? It sounds like the psychos are running the insane asylum. The doctor is currently working in the mail room, but the prisoners are complaining he loses packages as often as he loses patients.

*http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-prison-doctor-20110713,0,5931598.story

Now a word from our sponsor

Hair Club Future Client

Television viewers watch an average of 20,000 commercials a year*. They should be reading and exercising, but it's important to know that if you take Viagra and have an erection lasting over 4 hours you should seek medical attention. So what do you do if it only last 3 hours, request a refund? At least I learned something from all those advertisements. After I visit the all you can eat burrito buffet I take Beano to keep my date from gagging. Thanks to Depends my bladder's drier than a Johnny Carson monologue. Preparation H soothes the unsightly itch and swelling of my hemorrhoids, and keeps me from being the butt of my friends jokes. Listerine takes care of my doggy breath, and Ban deodorant keeps me from smelling like I am homeless. All in all I am grateful commercials have improved my hygiene, and my friends are even more grateful. In fact after watching an infomercial for Hair Club for Men I am considering joining. They claim if I hurry and call before midnight they'll throw in nose and ear hair absolutely free.

*http://www.csun.edu/science/health/docs/tv&health.html

Rabbi Yurin Trubble

Rabbi Yurin Trubble

A prominent N.Y. Rabbi was caught on tape in bed with a prostitute. His wife Amora had hired a private investigator, and is now taking him to court to ask for sole custody of their children. She asked "Since when are prostitutes Kosher"? The Rabbi exclaimed what's wrong with paying a few shekels to have someone play with your shmekel?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2013542/Rabbi-Avraham-Rabinowich-caught-tape-bed-prostitute.html

Those wacki packi's

The name "Pakistan" means land of the pure, or of the spiritually clean in Urdu and Persian. It is only natural that they have banned websites that have been deemed offensive or blasphemous. So what do their citizens google when they are on the internet? In addition to the normal beheading, stoning, torture and anti-American video's they love their porn. Not just normal sex between man and women, but horse, donkey, rape, dog and animal sex in general. I never knew the "hump on a camel" was a reference to the owners intention.

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/07/12/data-shows-pakistan-googling-pornographic-material/