The bird brain of Alcatraz

A prison doctor in California earned over $777,000. last year*. The problem is he is mentally ill, was once fired for incompetence, and hasn't been allowed to treat a patient for 6 years because he might kill them. Have they ever considered he might actually be an inmate? It sounds like the psychos are running the insane asylum. The doctor is currently working in the mail room, but the prisoners are complaining he loses packages as often as he loses patients.

*http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-prison-doctor-20110713,0,5931598.story

Now a word from our sponsor

Hair Club Future Client

Television viewers watch an average of 20,000 commercials a year*. They should be reading and exercising, but it's important to know that if you take Viagra and have an erection lasting over 4 hours you should seek medical attention. So what do you do if it only last 3 hours, request a refund? At least I learned something from all those advertisements. After I visit the all you can eat burrito buffet I take Beano to keep my date from gagging. Thanks to Depends my bladder's drier than a Johnny Carson monologue. Preparation H soothes the unsightly itch and swelling of my hemorrhoids, and keeps me from being the butt of my friends jokes. Listerine takes care of my doggy breath, and Ban deodorant keeps me from smelling like I am homeless. All in all I am grateful commercials have improved my hygiene, and my friends are even more grateful. In fact after watching an infomercial for Hair Club for Men I am considering joining. They claim if I hurry and call before midnight they'll throw in nose and ear hair absolutely free.

*http://www.csun.edu/science/health/docs/tv&health.html

Rabbi Yurin Trubble

Rabbi Yurin Trubble

A prominent N.Y. Rabbi was caught on tape in bed with a prostitute. His wife Amora had hired a private investigator, and is now taking him to court to ask for sole custody of their children. She asked "Since when are prostitutes Kosher"? The Rabbi exclaimed what's wrong with paying a few shekels to have someone play with your shmekel?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2013542/Rabbi-Avraham-Rabinowich-caught-tape-bed-prostitute.html

Those wacki packi's

The name "Pakistan" means land of the pure, or of the spiritually clean in Urdu and Persian. It is only natural that they have banned websites that have been deemed offensive or blasphemous. So what do their citizens google when they are on the internet? In addition to the normal beheading, stoning, torture and anti-American video's they love their porn. Not just normal sex between man and women, but horse, donkey, rape, dog and animal sex in general. I never knew the "hump on a camel" was a reference to the owners intention.

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/07/12/data-shows-pakistan-googling-pornographic-material/

Jack in the box

It's common knowledge that most women tend to over pack when they travel. One woman who visited a prison appeared to be leaving with a much larger bag than the one she arrived with. Upon inspection it was found she tried to sneak her husband out in a suitcase. For his offense Jack will endure six months of solitary confinement in a slightly larger box. Damn, those overweight baggage fees are really extreme.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2011/07/mexican-man-attempts-prison-escape-in.html

Sunsually graphic material

A graph in U.S.A. Today has been generating some controversy lately. The thermometer with the bulb at the bottom looks like male genitalia, and the sun seems to be happily handling it in a provocative manner. While the chart depicts dangerous conditions that can lead to heat stroke, it subliminally implies that some strokes may be desirable. There should be a warning about prolonged exposure to this material. I am so hot I shot mercury all over the room.

Ka-boob

The U.S. is warning that terrorists might be surgically placing bombs in their body as a means of getting them onto planes*. Recently Pamela Anderson was stopped at LAX because her boobs had more plastic than C4 explosives. A security officer said bombs that big could level the airport. She said she didn't realize it was crooked.

*http://news.yahoo.com/us-warning-airline-plot-implant-bombs-people-162151314.html