Swedish meatballs

Sweden is well respected for their universal healthcare, and this government run program offers all it's residents equal access. Unfortunately it is not as perfect as one might think. A man visited a local clinic for foreskin irritation, and after three weeks of treatment he was not cured. He was referred to a hospital where he got an appointment five months later. By then they realized he had cancer and his penis would have to be removed. The good news is his balls were not cancerous and they will be hanging around a long time. Although hanging around too long without proper handling is what gets you in trouble in the first place. Kind of like the Swedish meatballs in the cafeteria at Ikea.

http://www.thelocal.se/31130/20101229/

Permission denied!

I just heard you need a permission slip to say the pledge of allegiance in a Brookline Mass school. When I went to school permission slips were required if you went on class trips as there was the possibility you'd fall in the lions cage at the Bronx Zoo, or the rickety old yellow bus would flip over and you would be decapitated. It was an attempt to prevent the school from being liable for your maiming or possible death while out on the town. How the hell can you get hurt from saying the pledge of allegiance? Maybe some junior Jihadi with C4 in his Mecca lunchbox might blow a fuse, or some left libtard who hates America would contact Bill Ayers to help him make an I.E.D. (Improvised Explosive Device). You don't need parental permission for abortions, but young patriots who desire to pledge their allegiance do. Someone forgot it is the patriotic servicemen and women who die to preserve freedom, the babies die because of our freedom to act like irresponsible assholes.

http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/school-sends-home-permission-slips-for-pledge-of-allegiance-20101222

Have an Abu Dhabi Christmas!

As you all know Christmas has almost been banned in America. Some say it is nonsensical, violates the constitution,  and is not politically correct. Sadly many atheists become depressed, and others are hateful of the love, faith, and good will shared by Christians during this joyous season. So this year I plan to spend the holiday in Abu Dhabi. Where else can you have an 11 million dollar Christmas tree and people who still dress like the shepherds in the bible?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/16/abu-dhabi-hotel-debuts-11_n_797585.html

Climate of terror

Everyday we are invaded by extremist elements who plan on destroying us and our way of life. No I am not talking about Jihadi's or drug cartels crossing the Mexican border, I am talking about the climate! Janet Napolitano the head of the Dept. of Homeland Security is setting up a task force to protect us from Global Warming. She can't defeat an enemy that can be seen, so why not fight one that can't be seen? Afterall no one would know if we won or lost anyway. Hopefully it will keep her from fondling my teabags. She can't possibly believe they make bombs that small could she?

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/how-is-global-warming-a-homeland-security-issue

A.A.R.P. (American Association for Redneck People)

Rednecks of the world rejoice you finally have your own membership organization. For a small fee you will be entitled to discounts at retail outlets featuring truck parts, trailer hitches, boots, and manure. There is no dental plan because few members had enough teeth to make it worthwhile. In addition there is counseling for those who object to incest, and alcoholism. After all how are you going to get new members?


http://washingtonexaminer.com/blogs/capital-land/2010/12/society-founder-rednecks-underserved-large-population

She's a beauty!

After he's blown up a few tourists, beheaded a few blasphemers, and amputated a few criminals limbs what's a jihadi to do? How about winding down and checking out some babes at the biggest beauty pageant in Abu Dhabi. There will be prizes awarded totalling Dh35 million, but no bathing suit competition. That hump seems to get in the way all the time.
http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2010/12/camel-beauty-pageant-kicks-off-in-abu.html#links

Julian Massengill

You tried keeping your menstrual bleeding in check, but it always seems to leak when you least expect it. Well Pakistani makers of a sanitary napkin called "Butterfly" have created a product of you, and their slogan is "Wikileaks...Butterfly doesn't".  It seems natural to link Wikileaks to a vaginal discharge since Julian Assange is a douche bag. Coming to think of it his last name reminds me of mAssengill.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2010/12/finally-something-useful-comes-from.html#links

Debbie does Dallas in 3D (Very Offensive!)

3D movies are playing everywhere, and soon your favorite male porn star will be popping up and out at your local theater. Film makers are currently using  equipment that will make it look like the actors orgasms are actually shooting into the audience. When this is coupled with effects like spraying a mist you can imagine the howls from theater goers during the climax of the performance. Talk about being immersed in the plot. The concession stand will be offering specially designed snacks for the premier, and paramedics will be standing by for the occasional gagging patron.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/film-news/7946572/Race-is-on-to-make-the-first-3D-porn-movie.html

White Friday Sale

As the holidays approach it seems everyone is having a sale. Macy's, Walmart, and now even Fairfax Cryobank a company that specializes in the sale of sperm. Certainly a gift that is on most every ladies wish list. For those men who have low sperm counts and poor motility what better to stuff your wife's stocking than a potential child with the mind of Einstein and the body of a Greek god.  Every kiss begins with Kay, but every child begins with sperm.

 http://healthland.time.com/2010/12/14/sale-alert-holiday-savings-on-sperm/

Phonography

First there was phone sex, and now there is a new phone app (application) for 1.99 a month that will provide you with a virtual girlfriend who will text you four times a day. I remember when guys used to brag they had sex four times a day. My how the times have changed. The good news is you can't get an S.T.D. from phonography, but you may go blind staring at that little screen. I guess I'll just do it till I need glasses.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2010/12/lonely-and-in-need-of-girlfriend-theres.html#links

Cardboard copper

The Czech's have bounced and now their republic is defaulting on it's debt. One solution for saving money was to install cardboard cops at intersections. They figured it would help to reduce violations, but it has not been effective. Some idiot designed the cutout as a female officer in a mini skirt, and needless to say accidents have skyrocketed. The same designer created cardboard firefighters, and of course they have gone up in smoke. My advice is never accept a wooden nickel or a cardboard Czech.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2010/12/long-leg-of-law-cardboard-cutout-of.html

Hey Misster

Saw a young lady entering the men's room by mistake at the airport yesterday. I politely said "miss this is the men's room" and she said "f___k off a__hole"! I later found out it was Andrej Pejic a 19 year old male model from Australia. Some have called him a femiman, but next time I'll just refer to him as misster.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/hang-on-dude-looks-like-a-lady/story-e6frf7kx-1225967275441

Give it to me baby

According to Reuters "The very oldest men are still interested in sex, but illness and a lack of opportunity may be holding them back..." Well I would certainly hope so as this is the natural order of things. Can you imagine senior citizens swinging, clubbing, and getting it on in parks and stairways like teens do? What if they wore their pants around their knees exposing their depends and held their crotch while they rap to the ladies. How about them duking it out over cheating hoes? Seniors should just accept the fact that their sex lives are over. Damn, I forgot to refill my prescription for viagra again!

The lost bag

A young man with a large bulge in his trousers arrived at O'hare airport for his flight home, and immediately the T.S.A. pulled him over for an invasive pat down. When the agent accosted his crotch the young man said "Be careful, the last time you handled my bag it got lost"!

Fatty deposits

Most people consider fat deposits unsightly and unhealthy, but for one dynamic duo they are an enormous blessing. Recently these very large ladies have been using their folds of fat to hide stolen merchandise, and were able to score $2,600. worth of goods at one time. It seems those fatty deposits enlarge your waist, and your wallet.

http://www.wacktrap.com/people/stupid-people/tj-maxx-shoplifters-store-2600-hidden-goods-3-pairs-boots-body-fat-rolls