The birds and the bees

You can learn a lot from nature, especially the birds and the bees. Birds instinctively know that once their offspring reach a certain age they are kicked out of the nest and are on their own, a lesson that humans have somehow forgotten. The new health care bill offers your dependents insurance up to the age of 26. How the hell can a 26 year old be a dependent? Are they still being fed regurgitated worms by their parents? How about them bees slaving tirelessly in the hive. They produce the honey that some one else will be enjoying in their tea. It reminds me of "social justice". The concept that hard working individuals will be producing something that other people will be enjoying. No wonder the bees are so pissed when you approach their nest. Even with their minuscule brains they understand what humans don't.

Zombie Paradise?

There is a reason the horror movie "Day of the Dead" was filmed in a shopping mall. It's the only place in the universe where brain dead people can wander aimlessly for hours and not accomplish anything. You may be surprised to learn that many of the male mannequins on display are actually live humans. They are just immobile for extended periods of time while their wives try on endless pairs of shoes. You may also see other men nodding continuously at their wives. Don't be alarmed, it's not obsessive compulsive disorder. It's the bobblehead syndrome, and it is usually cured by a swipe of a charge card. Maybe the reason people spend so much time at the mall is because they mindlessly circle the same area over and over again. You know you can take a mouse with a brain the size of a pea, put him in a maze and he will navigate it successfully the first time. Humans who visit the mall every weekend need to use the G.P.S. in their phone to get from one end to the other. Some evolutionary advantage. It really is a shame that zombies wind up at the mall. Generally they need to feast on the brains on the living. That's the one place they will surely starve.

The round peg goes in the round hole.

I believe in equal rights, equal justice, and equal pay for men and women. I do not support men becoming pregnant, or women having a penis. I know I am a bigot, hater, rightwingnut, to be prejudiced against these minorities. I always believed you should use the proper tool for the proper job. Men should labor in the workplace, not be in labor in a maternity ward. Women should pee sitting down, otherwise how would we know to lower the seat? These observations are based on a recent Oprah show where the guest was a pregnant man. While I was initially confused, I later found out this man was actually a lesbian women who became a man, but kept her female genitals intact. Well that clears everything up doesn't it? Sexual identity is hard enough without people switching parts like Toyota after a recall. We are supposed to be intelligent, but even a monkey knows the round peg goes in the round hole.

Doggy style

Canis lupus familiaris known affectionately as the domesticated dog, has become a permanent part of the human family. Some have even become wealthy because they are trustworthy and better companions than most family members. Leona Helmsley's dog inherited 12 million dollars. Paris Hilton's dog wears designer clothes and jewelry. Some have their own doctors, schools, salons and even get to sleep in their masters bed. Not bad for an animal noted as tasty barbecue in some countries. Some have been bred purposely to be lap dogs. Tiny, ugly aberrations of nature that can fit in a Gucci bag. I am not against owning dogs, they can be lifesavers for the elderly. But I hate it when your dog shits on my lawn and you don't pick it up. I hate when I step in it and everyone thinks I shit my pants. I don't like it when they hump my leg, sniff and lick each other, and breed in broad daylight. Mostly I hate that they get to sleep with Paris and I don't!

Wear clean undies!

I am not one complain, but this is a very strange world we live in. The recent incident where a man had explosives in his underwear for instance. Question: Why does someone host a barbecue 40,000 feet in the air with smoked nuts and a roasted weiner? Answer: It's because the airlines cut back on meal service. Thanks to Richard Reid the sneaker bomber we have to take off our shoes at the airport. Will we now have to remove our underwear? The TSA agents will assume that brown stain in your shorts is a hazardous material, and will have to evacuate the airport. That's why your mom always told you to "wear clean undies".

Buy, buy, love.

"Can't buy me love, everybody tells me so". Well that's what the Beatles claim, but in the past paying for love was mandatory. "The bride price", "the dower" and "the dowry" were all methods of monetary compensation for the betrothed, and like all business transactions haggling was allowed. You could make deductions for facial warts, or moon like craters. More serious defects like no teeth, bad eyesight, and missing digits meant you were in a position to "name your own price". That kind of sounds like a William Shattner proposal, doesn't it? Unfortunately you were not allowed a full inspection of the merchandise, and checking the plumbing was off limits till after the marriage. In modern society we still use compensation although in a different manner. Courting requires "mucho dinero" to impress a fine young lady, and proves to be a valuable asset in a future spouse. Eventually an expensive engagement ring will be offered, and if accepted the nuptials take place. The difference now is you must also compensate the spouse to get rid of them. Usually when you return something you get your money back, or at least part of it. Not anymore. Whether you're getting married or divorced it is still buy, buy, love.

Mechanically screwed

I really hate that guy who fixes my car. The cost of repairs is always double the amount of the estimate. When I ask why he gets indignant and says "your lucky I didn't charge you more". He then hands me some greasy parts he supposedly replaced. I can't even tell if they came from a car or an oil rig. My car is only two years old yet the parts look like they came from a 1908 Ford Model T. So I'm standing there with oil dripping down on my new Nike's and this guy expects twice as much money and a thank you. This is in spite of the fact that this is the third time I brought the car back for the same problem. I guess he figures if he replaces every single part eventually it will be the one causing the problem and I'll be satisfied. There ought to be a law against unscrupulous auto mechanics. Oh yea there is, it is called sodomy.

Romantically declined.

Dumped again? We have all been there done that. Yes, even the beautiful people get knocked down the steps at the chapel of love. So how can you know when your relationship is on the rocks like your favorite whiskey? 1)Communication problems. Like Rabbis and Mullahs your speaking different languages. Not only are they different, they are as garbled as the announcements on the subway. 2) Vision problems. Your eyeballs roll around like a chameleons every time you see a beautiful woman. Also known as "Roman Eyes", you are subconsciously eyeing future replacements. 3) Uncontrollable reflexes. Commonly referred to as "Russian Hands". You'll find you are constantly touching every women you speak with, and can't control it. This can be very embarrassing around the elderly. These symptoms are temporary, if they persist see your doctor. Once you find your new love you will return to normal. Some say love makes you blind, but it really only limits your field of vision to one person.

The sentence of marriage.

Marriage vows can be summed up in one phrase "until death do us part". You may notice that a similar sentence is handed down for those convicted of capital offenses. The difference is that criminals can be offered plea bargains, reduced sentences, or time off for good behavior. No wonder jails are overcrowded. In marriage your lucky if your wife cooks dinner. In prison you get three nutritious meals daily. In marriage your lucky to get basic cable. In prison you get all the sports channels. In marriage the only exercise you get is doing laundry, dishes, and cleaning the yard. In prison the yard consists of basketball courts, weights, and friendly trainers. In marriage you may ask your wife to shower with you and be quickly dismissed. In prison people are lining up to shower with you. The sentence of marriage, cruel and unusual punishment.

Capitalist pig: The other white meat.

It was reported that evil Wall Street tycoons caused the 2007 "Great Recession" and that our free market economy is seriously flawed. So it is only fitting that capitalists have been skewered and hung over hot coals like uncle Bob's greasy ribs. The problem is that capitalism has enabled Americans "to bring home the bacon" in quantities that is the envy of every nation on this planet. Need proof? Look at how much food we waste every day, better yet look at our waistlines. It is true that many of our citizens are unemployed and are under tremendous pressure, but nothing equals the pressure our denim jeans are subjected to. Day after day size 30 jeans are forced to contain size 36 waists. The San Andreas fault doesn't endure that much pressure. Congress has suggested a move to a European style, heavily regulated economy. I like to refer to it as the "Mediterranean Economic Diet". Not only will you have less money weighing you down, you will have less food and finally lose those last stubborn 45 pounds you've been dying to get rid of. Socialism may be good for some, but for the rest of us nothing matches the exquisite taste of the Capitalist pig: The other white meat, mmm mmm mmm!

A kinder, gentler, America

Whether killing is sanctioned or unsanctioned it has been an intimate part of the human drama. Cain slew Abel, but the weapon was never recovered. Samson killed 1,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass, and CSI confirmed his prints were all over it. David slew Goliath with a sling shot and that's why you can't own one in NY. Yes people can kill each other with kindness, but more than likely its a garden utensil or gun. The question is whether guns are bad or the people who use them bad. The answer may be obvious, but certainly a gun in the wrong persons hand is like Iran getting a nuclear weapon. Unbelievably stupid! So how do we deal with the shear magnitude of gun induced murders in our country? We could ban them, although the rednecks would be really upset. They hunt with them and occasionally take down a Hatfield or McCoy. The truth is as dumb as rednecks are they don't kill each other as much as drug dealers. In the U.S. we don't really like the death penalty for murderers, it is too cruel. I guess getting your head blown up like a watermelon dropped from the Empire State Building isn't cruel. We just accept the fact that we, are families, and friends are moving targets for the amusement of psychopaths toting Tec 9 assault weapons. Oh well, I guess that is the benefit of living in a kinder, gentler, America.

Free Sex: Easier than voting them out.

I recently read that prostitutes in Copenhagen were offering sex for free during the climate change summit. It seems more politicians went than were invited (No wonder I couldn't book a ticket!). After all the negotiations no solid agreements were reached. Why you ask? No agreements means more summits, more summits means more free sex. Free vacations to Denmark on the public's dime, and the taxpayers aren't the only ones they'll be screwing. Damn those prostitutes, they raise your body temperature and the earths. Well, free sex is one way to get rid of those idiots in Washington, and it's even easier than voting them out.

Tiger "Woody" (Sexual language) *

For the uneducated a "woody" is an erect penis. So it is natural that a man with a insatiable appetite for women has the word "wood" in his name. A "wood" is also a type of golf club that is used for longer drives. So it is also natural for a man who handles a golf club with such dexterity, to also handle his woody just as well. In both scenarios the target is scoring multiple holes, and this is accomplished by strokes. So Tiger Woody played 18 holes in the day and 9 at night. The first 18 made him money and the other 9 took his money. The only difference is some holes took more strokes than others. Like Tiger Woody says "I jus luv dem holes".

* Tiger Woody is a fictional character. Any similarity to anyone living or deceased is coincidental. It is not the authors intent to insult or demean anyone other than politicians, lawyers, journalists, and other assorted fruitcakes.

Nanny is in the house.

By now you realize that trans-fat use has been banned in restaurants thanks to Mike Bloomberg. Next on his agenda is salt reduction and the Dept of Health will be issuing guidelines shortly. Pretty soon you'll see an increase in tax on alcohol to protect you from those drinking binges you love so much. Where does it end? The proponents of "social engineering" have determined you are incapable of making rational, adult decisions and its their job to set you on the straight and narrow. Already they control how you walk. Cross at the corner and wait for the light or you'll get a ticket. If you ride a bike wear a helmet and follow posted traffic signs, or you'll get a ticket. Have safe sex, they'll provide the condom. To stupid to use a condom, they'll provide an abortion. Use clean needles when you shoot up, they'll provide them. Got aids because your too stupid to use a clean needle. They'll provide the very expensive multi-drug cocktail therapies to prolong your miserable life. It used to be "father knows best", now its "the government knows best". Nanny is in the house.

Caution: Watch out for flying testicles!

I am a 54 year old retired government worker with an American passport. What are the odds I am a terrorist with a bomb in my shoes, or my depends? What about my Aunt Mabel, a 92 year old with swollen ankles and a walker? So why does the TSA treat us like Al Queda? They let Farouk Abdulmutallab (the crotch bomber) who is on a terrorist watch list into the country. They also allowed KSM, and the other 911 conspirators to enter the U.S. Why didn't they stop them? Here we are at Kennedy airport and they're making poor Aunt Mabel remove her shoes. How about the young Muslim guy with a one way ticket, no baggage, a Koran, and a fuse smoldering under his turban boarding the plane. How about the Saudi's who came here to learn how to fly a 747, but didn't want to learn how to land? How about when Homeland Security (HS) knows Farouk was denied a visa in the U.K. and decides to wait till after he arrives in the U.S. to question him. No wonder we're not safe, HS would rather question people after their genitals explode! They should post a warning sign at airports. Caution: Watch out for flying testicles!

Politically Correct?

Politically correct (PC) people manipulate language to accommodate the sensitivities of individuals. Like when a suave politician is confronted with a tough question he offers an obtuse answer to avoid offending anyone. In effect he says nothing of substantive value. Tough questions require tough answers and someone inevitably will be hurt. So now a short, skinny, four eyed, whitey like me is now referred to as a vertically challenged, calorically restricted, Caucasian with optical impairment. Give me a break! Grow up and accept the things in life you cannot change. No one should be discriminated against, but common sense must take precedent. Midgets shouldn't sue to be in the NBA. Weaklings shouldn't sue to be in the NFL, and girls shouldn't sue to be in the Boy Scouts (although it's okay if they sneak into your camp at night). Imagine the police issuing an APB with this PC description "XY gened human, - 50% average median height, + 75% average median weight, melanocytic nevus on left cheek, talipes equinovarus of the left foot, extreme kyphosis, pigment deficient. Politically incorrect description. Short, fat, hunchback, Albino male with mole on left cheek, and clubbed left foot. Which one leads to an arrest? One day some PC ignoramus will walk up to you and say "put your labia oris on my gluteus maximus" you tell them "KISS MY ASS".

Love Stinks

Walk through any park and you will see lovers holding hands and kissing. Me I'm thinking a murder suicide waiting to happen. You can relate to that can't you? C'mon, how many of us haven't broken up with lovers who would rather see us buried up to our neck in fire ants, or hurtling headlong into the grand canyon. The fact is most violent murders and assaults occur between people in love. Remember Lorena Bobbit? She cut off her husbands penis and threw it out the car window. Nearly hit me while I was waiting for the bus. Ugh! How about the village butcher? He cut up his girlfriend and made soup out of her. Won an award for the recipe I'm told. Yes there is a thin line between love and hate. Not only is it thin, it is about as strong as wet toilet paper. Throw a life insurance policy in the mix and they'll be dead before the ink dries. Lots of people ask me "why does love start out so good and end so bad"? Well how do I know, I'm not a psychologist. Love stinks, just like the song says.

Living in a material world.

Does anyone remember Imelda Marcos the President of the Philippines wife? It was rumored she had over 3,000 pairs of shoes. Damn, and I thought my closet was crowded. She eventually opened her own shoe museum. Boy, won't the kids be mad you took them to Disneyland instead. Like all women she still complained to her husband, "I have nothing to wear". Poor guy dropped dead. Considering the Philippine people on average live below the poverty level, how did she not feel guilty flaunting so much wealth? How about the Sheikhs of Saudi Arabia. They have so much money they can buy property in N.Y, drive around in gold trimmed Rolls Royce cars, and are some of the world's wealthiest rulers. So why are they walking around wearing a hijab (literally translated as curtain)? It's the 20th century, even the Romans don't wear togas any more. Maybe it's so the average Saudi who lives in a home that looks like downtown Baghdad after it was leveled won't be jealous. History is riddled with leaders who spend their time building monumental palaces, gardens and memorials to themselves, all the while their people live in squalor and starve. Living in a material world, not bad if you own all the material.

Happiness is a warm gun. (Mature audiences only!)

In the wild west men had a special relationship with their handguns. Their guns were hung low, strapped to their leg, and always loaded. When a stranger moseyed into town it was evident you had a long barrel that meant business. Plugging that city slicker full of lead meant business was good. As a reward a visit to the local wench was in order. You could say the six shooter was an extension of the penis. It was always ready to be pulled out, aimed, and fired. Occasionally it failed to fire, (projectile dysfunction) or misfired causing embarrassment, (premature trigger syndrome). Far too many times it's accuracy was off causing the little lady to let out a shriek. After being spent it was wiped, cleaned, and returned to it's holster. Like a campfire in the cool evening, happiness is a warm gun.

Keep your stinking hands off my colon pilgrim!

There is a group of annoying people whose sole purpose is to monitor my colon. First they changed my cereal, rice, and pasta by making them high fiber. Then they ruined my ice cream and cheesecake by making them lowfat. Next on their agenda, high fiber pigs knuckles, organic spam, and whole grain bacon. These are the same jerks who tell me to exercise regularly, sleep 8 hours, and drink 8 glasses of water a day. What am I a fresh water trout? Then they implied I don't have enough bowel movements. I'm still trying to find that webcam they must have installed in my toilet. They say the Duke (John Wayne) died with 40 lbs. of impacted fecal matter in his intestines. Once his doctor asked him to schedule a colonoscopy and he said, "keep your stinking hands off my colon pilgrim".

Livestock Made Global Warming

We've all heard about A.G.W. (man made global warming), but did you know about L.M.G.W. (livestock made global warming)? I am told the farts and belching of livestock is a large contributor to greenhouse gasses (no pun intended). The government in it's infinite wisdom tried to tax the emissions of these bovine gas bags. Unfortunately no one was brave enough to install the monitoring devices. Well how about senior citizens? Older people seem to pass more gas because their digestive systems slow down as they age. How about charging them a tax for their contribution to global warming? What would the tax be called? How about the Federal Asset Recovery Tax, known as F.A.R.T. The E.P.A. would set limits and charges similar to taxing carbon emissions. The question is how would it be measured? Several proposals have surfaced. A specialized gas gauge was developed, except you would be charged for emptying your tank not filling it. What about a meter like they have in cabs? You would pay 2.50 for the first fart, and .25 each additional fart (no charge for waiting time between farts). How about a system like EZ pass called EZ gas. An electronic device would register every fart and deduct the money from your account. Yes I am being facetious, but with a 12 trillion dollar deficit and growing this congress will be forced to tax us to death or until they have sucked all the air out of us. Already they are considering the V.A.T. (Value Added Tax). Who knows the F.A.R.T. may not be far behind (pun intended).

                                                                     

Scary monsters

They are in your closet and under your bed. Watching, waiting, ready to steal your soul while you sleep. You remember them from your childhood nightmares, and as an adult you are still haunted by them. Remember the bride of Frankenstein? She was brought to life by thousands of volts of electricity. It stretched her face tighter than Oprah's sweat pants and gave her face a ghastly glow. Thats Nancy Pelosi the botox filled, reanimated corpse bride. Those constantly blinking eyes are the result of the lightening strikes that gave her life. Harry Reid is Frankenstein the creature made from multiple cadavers. Unfortunately they were all taken from a nursing home, Igor still has a problem getting good stiffs. The scariest of all is Baracula, who sucks the life out of every taxpayer with his insatiable thirst for spending and social programs. A protest was organized by the peasants of the village. They carried signs, and posters to Baracula's castle at 1600 Transylvania Ave. Unfortunately Baracula's press secretary came out to give a speech and bored the peasants to death. The massacre of the townspeople was horrific. Those teabagger, rednecks, angered Baracula so much he refused to acknowledge they were legitimite, like the Fox network. Young or old, rich or middle class, they are still after you, those scary monsters.

Proctologists and other noble professionals. (Offensive situations)

What makes a person decide to become a proctologist? Granted they do make a lot of money, and they well deserve it. But why specialize in such an undesirable area? It is an area prone to eruptions of dangerous gasses and oozing fluids similar to active volcanoes. Certainly these practitioners are worthy of hazardous doody pay. There are some individuals who possess extremely gruesome derrieres. They suffer from anal fissures, hemorrhoids and other rectal infections. It takes someone special, with a caring heart, and nicely manicured fingers to insert an instrument of healing. Yes, I have a greater respect for my proctologist now that I have examined his selfless dedication to correcting my booty problems. In the beginning I was embarrassed, now I trust that man with my life and know he is fully capable of keeping the pain threshold just below that of tearing me a new one. The human body has parts that are ugly, smelly, disease ridden, and disgusting. It takes brave, dedicated individuals to deliver us from the jaws of humiliating medical maladies. They are the proctologists and other noble professionals.

Kiss your ass goodbye.

I remember almost 50 years ago we would practice air raid drills in school by hiding under our desks. Apparently atomic weapons can not penetrate square wooden objects. Some children were asked to bring sheets to wrap themselves in for protection. Unfortunately sheets are flammable, so it would have been like wearing a giant kleenex and jumping into an active volcano. These days almost everyone is getting nuclear weapons, and for the most part they hate us. While we laugh at our naive attempt to avoid annihilation in the past, at least we took it seriously. President Obama unveiled a policy that limits the U.S. using nuclear weapons under certain circumstances. Having a weapon and telling your enemy you won't use it invites aggression doesn't it? Maybe we should go back to having drills and cowering under wooden objects. We may not survive, but crouching down will make it easier to kiss your ass goodbye.

Stop stimulating me!

Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter. I am talking about those "stimulus plans" that politicians claim are necessary. Do you remember that saying "a politician and our money are soon parted"? Let's examine how those fools and our tax dollars were parted.
$866,000. To find out how to control flies in stables.
I thought that's what tails are for. They have been swatting flies off their asses for centuries.
$4,417453. For wool research in Montana, and Wyoming.
How about making sweaters, they're freezing there!
$95 million researching the uses for wood.
I thought they figured that out years ago. No new products were developed. I guess they can make ventriloquist dummies with the leftovers.
$951,500 for street lights in Detroit.
With all the boarded up foreclosures the addicts need lights to see which houses sell crack at night.
$476,000 for a museum to teach children how to fly.
How about teaching adults how to fly. Remember the Northwest pilots who flew 1 and 1/2 hours past the airport before realizing it.
$465 million for a F-136 jet engine.
CBS news claimed "it was not necessary and not affordable". How could an engine not be necessary for a jet? Cause it already had one that worked!
You know I enjoy being stimulated as much as the next person (maybe more), but only a politician could ruin a wet dream.

*Statistics from Citizens against government waste*

Hang him first, and have the trial later.

I am confused as to why they wanted to try KSM (911 mastermind) in federal court. Attorney General Eric Holder said it was to "restore the integrity of our judicial system". Both President Obama, and Eric Holder assured us "he will be found guilty". I thought a person was innocent till proven guilty, at least that's what guilty people always say. I guess Harvard omitted that lesson from the curriculum. To make matters worse Holder said he won't be released even if he's found innocent. Duh! How does that "restore the integrity of our judicial system"? Reminds me of the spaghetti westerns where the sheriff would say "hang him first, we'll have the trial later". Where's Clint Eastwood when you need him? In order to try terrorists in federal court they must be mirandized, kind of hard in the Afghan mountains. Maybe we can send trial lawyers along with the troops. Remember the visa commercial. Trying KSM in NY 100 million dollars. Sending trial lawyers to Afghanistan, priceless.

Intelligent people

Intelligent people frighten me. Not because they use words I don't understand (although that's true), but because they're dangerous. To paraphrase Thomas Sowell "Stupid people cause little damage. It takes an ivy league genius to cause a catastrophe". Case in point the financial collapse of 2007. The most intelligent, respected leaders in government and the buisness sector didn't see it coming. It's like they were standing on the deck of the titanic and when their pants got wet figured a toilet backed up. Science czar John holdren co-authored a book called Eco-science in the 70's and claimed an ice age was coming (was he talking about the movie?), also a 150 ft. tidal wave would hit the U.S. by 2000 (broke my surfboard on that one dude). He is also director of the Woods Hole research center (not to be confused with another kind of hole). Cass Sunstein the White House officer of information and regulatory affairs said animals should be able to bring suit (sue humans). Talk about a kangaroo court. I guess it's a good thing the Colonel is dead, otherwise KFC would be Kentucky Fried Chickpeas. Of course the animals would be represented by humans, they can't afford law school. Intelligent people, they said the titanic was unsinkable, they sank the economy, and make jury duty a day at the zoo.

Global Warming Pyschics

Good morning, pyschic hotline how may I help you? (caller) Yes, I'd like to know the weather 100 years from now. Sounds ridiculous? Of course it is. If your not brain dead you would have realized that every global warming catastrophe that was predicted to occur up to 2010 hasn't. Remember how the science czar predicted an ice age and a 150ft. tidal wave by the year 2000? Sold my beachfront home because of that jerk. Three additional U.N. climate change claims: 1) 55% of the Netherlands is under water (The Dutch claimed 26%). 2) The Himalayan glaciers would disappear by 2035 (evidence suggests they will be around at least 300 years). 3) Global warming would affect rain in Northern Africa, cutting crops by 50% by 2020 (no evidence whatsoever), were rescinded by the U.N. and Pachauri (U.N. chairman) admitted they were mistakes but the "science is settled". I am not saying global warming doesn't exist. I am saying outrageous, unsubstantiated catastrophic predictions destroy any credibility on the part of the IPCC. If you want to know the future you'd have better luck with a credit card and a toll free number.

Caution:Social programs at work.

Scientific American magazine recently ran an article that stated food stamps cause obesity. I must admit my ignorance on the subject, I didn't know my taxes provide junk food to poor people in effect causing them to become obese, get diabetes, hypertension and cancer. Is this how social programs are supposed to work? No wonder we need universal healthcare. We have to treat all the poor people we made ill with the food stamp program. That's the problem with social engineering. It requires more engineering to fix the damage the previous program caused. The next time you drive by a dilapidated city housing project imagine seeing a sign that says "Caution:Social programs at work".