Oh Snap!

Everyone knows the food stamps program (SNAP) is riddled with fraud, except for the snapper heads who run it. A recipient recently bought 141.78 worth of lobster, porterhouse steaks, and mountain dew with his food card*. WTF! I'm clipping coupons, buying no frills brands, and our government is giving away free lobsters! No wonder we're headed for a depression. Mind you this is all perfectly legal, except that this low life sold it for half the price which is a felony. Ironically while in prison he will still continue to receive steak, but thankfully the only crustaceans he will get will be on his ass!

* http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/article/20110607/NEWS01/106070329/-1/RSS13

There's no need to fear, lawyers are here

Trouble at the border with drug cartels toting AK-47's? Don't bother calling the border patrol. Trouble with terrorists plotting to blow up N.Y.? Don't bother to have the C.I.A. waterboard them. There's no need to fear, lawyers are here. Like "Underdog"* they are the new superheroes fighting evil corporations, profiling police, and Governors who try to keep their state from being overrun by Mexican drug lords. When the B.P oil rig exploded the Commander in Chief went down to Louisiana not to coordinate a solution using the vast resources of the U.S. government. He went down to negotiate monetary compensation like all good attorney's do. Hail to the Lawyer in Chief who destroys the bad guys as any "action" hero would. Legal action that is.

*Underdog was an animated series from 1964. He was the canine equivalent of Superman. His motto was "There's no need to fear, Underdog is here".

Wall Street Bull

Took a trip to to Wall Street today and wound up at the bronze bull in Bowling Green. Many tourists were taking pictures under the bull's ass. Some couples were even kissing possibly mistaking the testicles for mistletoe. In reality after the bailouts of Wall Street it would be totally appropriate to have a memento of the ass that shit all over taxpayers. Remember the slogan "Merrill Lynch is bullish on America". Sorry for the typo it should be "Merrill Lynch bullshit on America!".

Holey Matrimony!

I may be old fashioned because I would never marry a woman with 6,925 piercings. Even weirder is that she has 1,500 internal piercings! I can imagine your honeymoon would be like having sex with a cheese grader.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2001064/Worlds-pierced-woman-Elaine-Davidson-ties-knot-Edinburgh.html

I got a bigg mouth!

 Well not this big.
Isn't it surprising to see the kinds of mutilation people will endure to make themselves beautiful. Whether it's slicing your skin, putting a bone through your nose, or piercing your jaw with a javelin, the more pain the more beauty. In our advanced society the pain associated with beauty is administered by a Cosmetic Surgeon under anesthesia. So having your lips enlarged like Angelina Jolie is easy and pain free. Maybe having a bigg mouth like our friend in the picture is a beautiful thing. Although it can be embarrassing when the plate is removed and it sags like a pelicans pouch, but at least he can go swimming and fishing at the same time. Plus it's nice to know you always a have a plate handy when lunch is ready.

Palindrones

Sarah Palin is driving around the U.S. in a bus, and there are a bunch of mindless drones following her everywhere she goes. They claim to be news reporters, but for the life of me I can't figure out why they believe a person who currently holds no office, nor has had any major scandal is worthy of such attention. The Washington Post has acquired 24,000 pages of her e-mails to investigate. Why? It can't be that there is nothing else to write about. The economy is collapsing, the Middle East is ready to explode, and the world will end again for the third time according to Harold Camping in October. The biggest story they came up with so far is she supposedly screwed up the story of Paul Revere's ride*. Maybe it's because they're screwing up her ride.

*According to historical records Paul Revere was captured by the British and told them that 500 well armed Americans were waiting for them. While the details are debatable, she is at least partly correct.
http://legalinsurrection.blogspot.com/2011/06/suffolk-univ-history-prof-palin-right.html

Weinergates of Hell

Thou shalt not lie, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not bare thy weiner on twitter.