Ticket to ride.

I just finished a seven day Mediterranean cruise thanks to my wife getting roundtrip airfare from N.Y. to Barcelona for only $304. The only caveat was the age of the jet. It was so old it still had working ashtrays in the armrests, and large tube monitors for the inflight movies. As we boarded we were told there would be a delay because the brakes had over heated. I wondered how that can happen when it was sitting still for 2 hours. Eventually a ground crew member came out on the tarmac to direct the plane to the runway. Moments later we heard a thud and it felt like we ran over something, or someone. Again it was delayed a short while, but we arrived on time. My wife didn't mind, and like the song says "she's got a ticket to ride, and she don't care", although the guy laying in the middle of the runway might.

Now that's progressive

The Democratic party has a new slogan. "Rewarding illegals now that's progressive, call or click today".*

*Taken from the Progressive Car Insurance commercial.
http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2007/05/rewarding-illegal-aliens-senate-bill-undermines-the-rule-of-law

Sex and the single Shiite

Khadija is a divorced Shiite Muslim women living in Bahrain, an island connected by a causeway to Saudi Arabia. What is unusual is that she owns a sex shop there. She does not sell dildos, books, movies, or blow up dolls as they are forbidden. She does sell vibrators, edible underwear, and bondage kits. It is hard to imagine a veiled women picking out some sexy lingerie, and a g-spot stimulator, but now I know why their husbands do not allow them to be alone with unrelated males. Sometimes the more you cover something the more it wants to be set free.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,719188,00.html

The floundering fathers?

I am always amused when so called intelligent people dismiss the constitution and the founding fathers as irrelevant. There is a timeless quality to the length and breadth of wisdom preserved in their writings that can even survive generations of pseudo intellectual giants of liberal thought. For your perusal four of George Washington's quotes. 1)"Government is not reason, it is not eloquent, it is force. Like fire it is a dangerous servant, and a fearful master". This was before Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, and Obama the eloquent orator. 2)"I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man". Something Geithner, Rangel, Waters, Daschle, Blago, and other politicians don't consider very enviable. 3)"Mankind when left to themselves are unfit for their own government". Why? 4)"It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the bible". There in a nutshell is why our nation is on the highway to hell captained by virtueless, clueless, self absorbed, self aggrandizing men who believe they're gods, but are as false as the wooden teeth in George's mouth.


http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/george_washington_2.html

Daffynitions

Radical Muslim: One who encounters an infidel blaspheming Mohammed and says "get me a sword so I can behead him".
Moderate Muslim: One who watches the beheading and says "It's a shame he was beheaded, but he has no one to blame but himself. He should never have blasphemed Mohammed".

To prove my point let's take the Moderate Muslim, Imam Rauf who said after the 9/11 attacks. "I wouldn't say the U.S. deserved what happened, but U.S. policy were an accessory to the crime. In the most direct sense Osama Bin Laden was made in the U.S." Translation: The U.S. is directly responsible for Osama Bin Laden (terrorism), and the subsequent attack. In essence it's a shame 9/11 occurred but the U.S. has no one to blame but itself.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/nyregion/22imamfacts.html
When questioned about moving the Ground zero Mosque "If he (Rauf) was forced to move the project, it could spur terrorist activity among radicals abroad". Translation: If you oppose the Mosque any terrorist activity will be your fault, and you have no one to blame but yourselves..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/12/imam-feisal-rauf-moving-center-terrorism_n_713659.html
In conclusion Rauf used the protection of the constitution to promote the GZ Mosque, but failed to acknowledge the constitutional right to burn the Koran. The radicals manipulate through fear, and the moderates manipulate through our fear of the radicals. Imam Rauf is about as American as camel pie.

Note: This blog appears to contradict another. This is written from our perspective, the other is written from theirs.

Gone without a trace

Just finished the laundry and as usual a sock is missing. It is never the one that's worn out or has holes in it. It's always the new Nike that cost more than 6 pairs of the Walmart brand. I was considering a rfid (radio frequency identification) tag to track them, but I figure the water would damage it. As of now 48 hours have passed and there is little hope left of finding it. Where is the Fabric Bureau of Investigation when you need them?

Mythbusting

I heard Barack Obama will be on a special episode of the mythbusters television show. Amazing since Obama is nothing but myths. He said universal healthcare will bend the cost of insurance downward, you can keep your own plan, no rationing, the stimulus saved or created millions of jobs (they're not really sure if they were saved or created?) Bush is responsible for every problem we face, and the Cambridge police dept. behaved stupidly when they arrested Henry Louis Gates Jr. I'm not sure if anything he has ever said is factual except concerning his cap and trade plan "electricity rates will necessarily skyrocket". Like Pinocchio his nose could put Jimmy Durante's to shame. The only thing Obama will be busting is our economy, the myth is he feels our pain.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20020095-503544.html

Some ass

I called my nephew who lives in a poor farming town in Nebraska recently. I asked how things were going with his childhood sweetheart Emily. He told me he left her and was marrying an older women. When I asked why the phone developed static, and all I heard was dairy heir. Why the hell would he marry someone just for their ass?

This stimulus saved or created millions of orgasms

I just saw a vibrator that looks like President Obama, so I guess all those ugly epithets we have been hurling at him are true. The fact is he is trying to worm his way into every facet of your life, so why not your vagina? The Obamarator has a disclaimer against "internal usage" as it is intended to be a gag gift. However this is one gag that actually works, unlike those shovel ready projects that joker foisted upon us. The company that makes this product also makes Obama condoms, and now you know why the President resides in an oval orifice.

http://dailycaller.com/2010/10/21/obamarator-sexing-up-the-meaning-of-yes-we-can/

Barney Frank/Barney Rubble

Barney Frank is up for re-election and there is a chance he may be defeated. So what would this political savvy fixture of D.C. do to turn the tide? How about contributing 200k of his own money to his campaign because no one else would, and having his boyfriend heckle his opponent. As a result he has been getting pounded by his critics daily, and pounded by his male lover nightly. In contrast Barney Rubble pounded rocks daily at Slate's quarry, and pounded his wife Betty nightly. It was rumored Barney Frank had a lover at Freddie Mac, and coincidentally Barney Rubble's best friend was Fred, but the only meat they ever shared was dino burgers. Fortunately for Mr. Frank he doesn't live in the stone age town of Bedrock. His lack of teeth, while a benefit to his homosexuality is detrimental to eating dinosaur meat. http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2010/10/17/barney_franks_boyfriend_heckles_gop_opponent_after_debate.html

Please leave your name and planet after the beep.

S.E.T.I. (search for extraterrestrial intelligence) has it's 50th anniversary this year. For 50 years scientists have been listening to static to determine if aliens are attempting to contact us. Millions of wasted dollars and man hours later Stephen Hawking concluded "contacting aliens could have catastrophic consequences for the human race". Remember what happened to the Indians after the white man contacted them, not a pretty sight. So after 50 years of sitting idly waiting for E.T. to phone they have decided if he does call they won't answer. I do the same thing by screening my calls for collection agencies and telemarketers using caller I.D. If the scientists are worried about who is trying to contact them they should do what everyone else does, let it go to voice mail.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39675346/ns/technology_and_science/

Render unto Caesar...

There has been a great deal of anger over taxes lately. Some feel the government has the right to take any amount they see fit as long as it goes toward the public good, and others feel the government has limited rights in taking our hard earned income. Remember what Jesus said concerning the Roman tax on Jews, "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesars, and unto God the things that are God's". This confirms he supported paying taxes, but it's important to note that Jesus first asked, whose picture was on the coin? It was Caesar's who was still living, but whose picture is on our coins? Dead presidents! The only thing you can render a dead guy is respect. In 1864 the treasury adopted the motto "In God we trust" on currency. Had Jesus been given one of these coins his saying "render unto God the things that are God's" might be understood in a whole new light*.

*The founders understood it was divine providence that forged this great nation. All good things came from God, and all good things belonged to God, this included money. The inscription on the Roman coin means dictator forever. Hell must be full of them.
http://www.ustreas.gov/education/fact-sheets/currency/in-god-we-trust.shtml

Footing the bill

Universal health care in the U.S. is a reality. The question of rationing is also a reality. Greece which has become a model for the declining U.S. economy has recently decided to amputate diabetics feet instead of paying for special footwear. So this is how our government plans to bend the spending curve downward. It will be those most in need of medical help who will literally be footing the bill.

http://dailycaller.com/2010/10/11/greek-health-system-opts-for-amputation-as-money-saver/

Shovel ready

Pres. Obama said the stimulus would finance "shovel ready" jobs that were ready to go as soon as the money was approved. Some projects replaced miles of sidewalks that passed abandoned buildings, empty stores, and weed covered lots. When asked about why they needed to be replaced we were told the old ones didn't meet new regulations. Why would you change the regulations in a freakin ghost town? Do squatters need new sidewalks outside the abandoned buildings they call home? Maybe the crack addicts kept falling on the broken concrete and were suing the city. This poor family in the picture should have known better. The government has lost it's direction and is leading us all to a dead end. Maybe the President has been shoveling more than jobs lately. No wonder the economy stinks.

Pinheads and idiots

On "The View" t.v. show Bill O'Reilly was lambasted by Whoopie Goldberg and Joy Behar for saying Muslims attacked us on 9/11. He failed to use the politically correct term "Radical Muslims", and they were so angry they walked off the set. I remember a Christian shot and killed an abortion doctor named George Tiller recently. Shouldn't we call him a "Radical Christian"? After all any honest person who reads the New Testament would not be able to find one verse that supports homicide. What about Jesus, can anyone honestly refer to him as a violent individual? How about the Pope does he approve of murdering abortion doctors? No, but we don't care if we offend all Christians by failing to call him radical when he clearly violated the boundaries of Christianity. Let's apply the same standard to Islam. Does Muhammad or the Koran advocate violence? Muhammad was a warrior who killed and promoted violence. The Koran commands fighting even if it is hateful to you (Sura 2:216)*, and the Middle Eastern clerics who interpret the Koran advocate violent Jihad. In fact the United Arab Emirates highest court has ruled a man can beat his wife and kids as long as he doesn't leave any marks. Certainly a hallmark of a religion of peace. The truth is the founder, writings, and major religious leaders allow or require violence from their followers. In the eyes of Islam these jihadists are not radical, but any Muslim who practices Islam differently than they prescribe is radical. It was Muslims who caused 9/11, it's the radicals who are the peacemakers.

*For those who claim the Koran is being misinterpreted the clerics are the ruling authority.

Go take the bus

Paul Krugman of the N.Y. Times wrote an article complaining of the anger of rich people concerning higher taxes. He said "a belligerent sense of entitlement has taken hold: it's their money, and they have a right to keep it". Then quoted "Taxes are what we pay for civilized society" from Oliver Wendell Holmes. That may have been true at one time. What Paul fails to acknowledge is that fraud and waste is so prevalent in government that it is neither condemned nor addressed. Medicare has nearly a 20% fraud rate, with no real attempt to fix it. The I.R.S. budget is increasing exponentially yet they admit they are not collecting anywhere near the revenue they should be. Politicians waste money on pet projects like the bridge to nowhere, the sidewalk to nowhere, and funding banks that should have failed, but didn't because their relatives were heavily invested in them. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Paul doesn't. Once the full effects of Obamacare kick in we will join Europe with having some of the highest taxes and lowest G.D.P.'s. You know if you let junior borrow your car and every time he returns it's been in an accident eventually you will tell him take the bus. When politicians treat our money like it was their own, maybe they can borrow it again.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

There is the age old philosophic question of why dogs lick their genitals, and ancient wisdom concludes "because they can". Not a very scientific answer, but at least for men it makes sense. So I was surprised that a study of Cape ground squirrels in Namibia sought to explain why the dominant males orally and manually masturbate themselves. Some theories suggested they couldn't find a willing female, or they wanted to clear out old sperm before mating, but these didn't make sense as most squirrels masturbated after they mated. In a stroke of brilliance the researcher Jane Waterman concluded it was to clean their genitals after mating so they wouldn't get a sexually transmitted disease. I honestly didn't realize it was such a problem among our furry friends. More importantly how would they know that cleaning would reduce the risk? The simplest answer may be best. "Because they can".

http://www.livescience.com/animals/etc/100929-squirrels-masturbate-the-name-std-protection.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+Livesciencecom+%28LiveScience.com+Science+Headline+Feed%29

Book em Danno

You may remember the famous incident that occurred when someone threw a shoe at President Bush. It was viewed more times than "Everybody loves Raymond" reruns, and even made into a video game. What you may not know is that recently someone threw a book at President Obama. Some have concluded he violated the constitution with his healthcare mandate, violated bankruptcy law by his auto bailout, and violated the freedom of religion provision when he endorsed an Islamic cartoon series. Consequently someone judged him worthy of having the book thrown at him, a reference to receiving the maximum sentence allowed. They forgot with Eric Holder as attorney general the only one who will be prosecuted is a fat naked man who streaked by the president, and was arrested. No wonder the symbol of justice is blindfolded.

*Update: The man arrested was offered 1 million dollars to streak naked near the president.
The book was thrown by it's author hoping the president would read it. He was not arrested.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/10/obama-book-thrown-philadelphia-naked-man-arrested/

Stupor heroes

Pretty soon your children will be watching Islamic cartoon heroes thanks to promotion by Barack Obama. One character is covered with a black burqa and veiled so only their eyes are visible. Sort of a female lone ranger who fights against cooks who serve non halal meat in school lunches. Super hero Jabbar is the equivalent of the hulk. His strength enables him to beat thousands of Mosque protesters while the Mayor and President cheer him on. Mumita is fast like the cartoon character the "Flash", and describes how quickly our youth will be indoctrinated by this religious propaganda. Next Halloween your kids may be trick or treating in a burqa, but don't think I'll be giving them anything. I'm not taking a chance on getting beheaded just because lard is an ingredient in the candy.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2010/10/finally-obama-approved-sharia-compliant.html#links

The party's over

A study conducted in England found that once men reach 52 years old their sense of humor decreases, they become grumpy, and hardly laugh. Considering their prostate enlarges and they can't pee, their testosterone decreases and they can't have sex, and poor digestion turns them into a perpetual fart machine I can certainly understand why. Women also suffer a decline in humor as they get older, but that's due to the fact they have disgusting husbands.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/8048844/Brits-sense-of-humour-fails-at-the-age-of-52-study-finds.html

Political circus

Recently the naked cowboy, a guitar playing fixture in Times Square announced he is running for president in 2012. I really am not surprised as we have already had actors, weight lifters, wrestlers, and pop singers as politicians. One thing we have never had is a professional clown elected to congress like Francisco Silva of Brazil. Our congressional clowns are not professional by any stretch of the imagination, and they are not funny either. As we buy our tickets to the political circus I am reminded of P.T. Barnum who said "there is a sucker born every minute". He must have been referring to taxpayers.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/10/04/ap/strange/main6925513.shtml

The clothes make the man

Appearance is everything, and now you can make a big impression on the ladies with these new skivvies. For men whose rear end sags like a ruptured silicone breast implant they offer the "bum lift". No it's not an elevator for hobos, it's seamless underwear that elevates your derriere by 20%. Women just go wild for bubble butt don't they? For those of us who may be lacking in another area they have the "frontal enhancement" model. Apparently that "good things come in small packages" cliche is just a marketing slogan by the diamond cartels. You can't blame them when we do the same thing by promoting our puny, defective bodies as athletic. Don't you hate it when something doesn't work as advertised?

The big stink in Washington

Everyone knows the politicians in Washington stink. The stench is so strong people can even smell it in their homes. This election voters intend to rid themselves of these pests, but in addition to rotten politicians the residents have to deal with stink bugs. They are small insects that give off a disgusting aroma when threatened. It appears our representatives have something in common with these insects as they're threatened by the anger of their constituents. Maybe we could just step on them.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local-beat/Stink-Bugs-Taking-Area-By-Swarm-103669344.html

Let them eat dirt!

Gastronomists continually present us with an amazing array of new things to eat. Occasionally disgusting, but now they may have gone too far. Restaurants are serving, and patrons are consuming edible dirt. This is a practice known as geophagy. Dirt is more or less a side dish to accompany your vegetables. Makes sense since eggs come from birds and we eat both. Vegetables come from dirt, so logically we should eat both. There was an old expression about eating dirt that may have been impetus for this new development. I hope not, because there is also an expression about eating shit. One day McDonalds may be offering "Crappy Meals", possibly including a toy dog inside. It's always nice to know where your food comes from.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2019612,00.html

McAnus Burger

It seems that inmates are always complaining about the food served in prisons. Recently they struck a deal to have McDonalds provide the meals once a week to remind them of the wonderful world that awaits them when they are released. In honor of their newest customers McDonalds has specially prepared a new sandwich. Already it's a prison favorite.

Are you gellin?

There is a new gel on the market that retails for $175. and it is not made by Dr. Scholl. In fact it is purposely designed to increase a woman's breast size, and is appropriately called "boob job in a bottle". While most doctors are skeptical about it's claims I am not. I once rubbed a gel on a certain part of my body and immediately noticed an increase in size. The jar came in a box, and was appropriately called "boner in a box". The next time I see a large breasted woman I may be tempted to ask "are you gellin".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/beauty/article-1316454/Rodial-Boob-Job-gel-Cream-increases-bust-size-goes-sale-125.html

No sense in buying a newspaper, unless you own a dog.

The Wall Street Journal posted a survey conducted in Arabia about the Ground Zero Mosque. "58% saw it as a project of folly". This was conducted by Elaph the most respected electronic daily in the Arab world. So how is it that the mainstream media has denigrated it's citizens as Islamophobic when the majority of the Arab world agrees with us? More startling was the response over whether the U.S. was a tolerant or bigoted society."The split was 63% to 37% in favor of those who accepted the good faith and pluralism of this country". This was in the aftermath of Pastor Terry Jones plan to burn the Koran! Again the liberal media has demonstrated not only are they out of sync with majority of Americans, but the majority of the Arab world as well. Apparently the Arabs and Americans agree, the media sucks. No sense in buying a newspaper, unless you own a dog.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703743504575493711825224290.html?mod=rss_opinion_main

Danger sign

By now you have probably seen the new symbol for the democratic party. It is strikingly similar to the logo for the D subway line in Manhattan. The Democrats and the D train also share the fact that they are too expensive, too dangerous, and never take people where they want to go.

The boob tube

Elmo from Sesame Street is a pretty lucky guy. Recently Katy Perry appeared on the show, and her boobs made a special guest appearance. Poor Elmo couldn't keep his mouth closed or his eyes from popping out the entire episode. It just goes to show Elmo is more manly than muppetly. No wonder Kermit is green with envy, he got stuck with a real pig. We can now plainly see why television is referred to as the boob tube.

http://jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com/2010/09/elmo-got-best-of-guy.html