There is a group of annoying people whose sole purpose is to monitor my colon. First they changed my cereal, rice, and pasta by making them high fiber. Then they ruined my ice cream and cheesecake by making them lowfat. Next on their agenda, high fiber pigs knuckles, organic spam, and whole grain bacon. These are the same jerks who tell me to exercise regularly, sleep 8 hours, and drink 8 glasses of water a day. What am I a fresh water trout? Then they implied I don't have enough bowel movements. I'm still trying to find that webcam they must have installed in my toilet. They say the Duke (John Wayne) died with 40 lbs. of impacted fecal matter in his intestines. Once his doctor asked him to schedule a colonoscopy and he said, "keep your stinking hands off my colon pilgrim".
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