Belly button blues

All these years I thought my poor track and field performance was the result of my generally poor athletic ability. Now due to a recent study I find out it is because of the position of my belly button. Since running is basically falling forward a higher center of gravity helps you fall forward faster, hence higher belly button equals faster speed. So that's why I wasn't selected for the Olympic team, and the fact that I am only slightly taller than Gary Coleman. I figure if the position of your belly button is higher and you also have an outie your probably headed for a gold medal. They say a race is sometimes won by a nose, I guess they'll have to start aiming the cameras a lot lower.