While boogie boarding recently I had the sense that a shark was planning on ripping my torso in two for a light midday snack. Probably this was result of watching the movie "Jaws" too many times, needless to say I returned to the hotel quickly. There I encountered a harmless spider, but because I suffer from arachnophobia I thought it best to check out early. Before I left I figured I needed a good massage to ease the tremendous stress of my paranoid delusions. As I was relaxing on the table I overheard someone say that the masseuse was an alien. I've heard of aliens experimenting on humans and in every instance they perform painful, probing in ones private parts. I left rather abruptly wearing only a towel. The smell of fear was so overwhelming hotel maintenance was called to check the sewer.
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