Lately every time I put my hand in my pocket there is already another one there. I call him Mr. Hand, and lately he has become very greedy. Recently I went to pay for some groceries and he began fighting with me over my last twenty dollar bill. It was very embarrassing to see me jerking my hand around in my trousers at the checkout. Even stranger the cashier gave me her phone number. I thought I saw a needle mark on him and figured he needed the money for drugs. I was wrong. I found out Mr. Hand works for the Internal Revenue Service. I had heard of the "long arm of the law". He fights crime with truth and justice, so what is Mr. Hand's job? No, it's not a sexual act. He is responsible for shaking down hard working, law abiding citizens. You know if he is in my trousers all the time he could reciprocate by giving me a little pleasure once in a while. At the very least he could help carry my casket after he taxes me to death.
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