Indecent Exposure

I love the beach, and recently spent a week at a Hilton Head resort. Like any normal adult male I occasionally gawked at the lovely women in tiny bikini's that bounced along the shoreline. No wonder infidelity is America's favorite pastime. Unfortunately there were also a number of indecent bathers present. I don't mean they were naked. I mean their bodies were offensive, and too disturbing to go uncovered. Why would an eighty year old, overweight, spider veined, cellulite covered, wrinkled and blemished woman wear a thong like bathing suit? When she bent over a tiny strap embedded itself in the crack of her ass, exposing two monstrous, pimply, cheeks of voluminous flesh that caused uncontrollable gagging in passersby. The front was even worse as her extensive pubic hair emerged from a tiny triangular piece of stained cloth, a horrific sight indeed. The top of her bathing suit could barely contain her massive breasts and the pressure on those tiny straps holding it was immense. Had they snapped it could have lopped your head off. How could such a beautiful landscape suffer such indignity? Indecent exposure.